More Than a Marriage Read online

  Jacob hadn’t reached out to her even once since that day on their front porch. Correction, his front porch. It wasn’t hers any longer. And neither was he.

  “I’ll tell you,” Verna started. “The heat used to make Abraham do all sorts of weird things.”

  Clara Rose shook her head. “Please don’t tell us. He was my dawdi, after all.”

  Everyone laughed. Everyone but Tess. She couldn’t get a handle on the fact that she was leaving. She should be happy that she was going. She was getting her second chance. Well, as much as she could and still be married. And that was what she wanted. Wasn’t it?

  She just didn’t know.

  Everyone talked and laughed around her, telling jokes and trying to lighten the mood, but all Tess could think about was how unhappy she was. This move was supposed to make her happy. She wanted the perfect life of the people around her, and by leaving . . . she still wouldn’t have it. And the worst part? She wouldn’t have Jacob at all.

  Her heart did a dive in her chest. She was leaving. Leaving! And it was changing nothing. She would be without Jacob, and that was something she didn’t think she could bear. It was hard enough to love him and feel that she had lost him to the phone and Facebook, but it was another matter altogether for her to not have him at all.

  Her shortsightedness hit her like a ton of bricks. Her breath caught in her throat, and suddenly everything that Clara Rose had been telling her became real.

  She couldn’t compare her marriage to those of the people around her. Obie had a cell phone. She should ask and ask Jacob to attend marriage enrichment classes until he finally said yes.

  Her marriage was worth more effort than she was giving it, than she had given it. She should be ashamed of herself, and she was. Jacob worked hard. He wasn’t perfect, but he deserved better than a wife who pledged her all but didn’t deliver.

  She looked from Clara Rose to Eileen and threw her half-eaten goodies into the trash. She had been taught her entire life to take only what she could eat and eat everything she took, but this was another matter altogether. “I have to go.”

  “Go where?” Eileen asked, casting a quick glance into the trash.

  “Home.” Her lips stretched into a wide smile.

  “Is Bruce here already?” Clara Rose asked.

  Tess shook her head. “No. I’m going home to Jacob.”

  * * *

  There was no sense in prolonging the inevitable. Tess wasn’t coming home, and it surely wasn’t a home without her.

  Jacob looked into the long faces of her precious goats. He didn’t want to sell the beasts. Not now, anyway. He had heard rumors that Tess had already gone back to Clarita, but he had also heard that she was scheduled to leave today. The date might still be up in question, but the intent to leave was clear. And just when he found the perfect property.

  It was in their budget, the exact size they needed, and there was plenty of room for her goats. The man who was selling the land actually had a few more goats to add to her trip, but now that wouldn’t be the case at all.

  In fact, he was letting the house go completely and moving in with his parents. It seemed like such an act of failure. But he hated his roofing job and he wanted to work the land. He could help his father much more and be happier than scrimping and scraping, trying to get a farm that no one would live on.

  His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the screen. It was the number for the Realtor. She would want to know his decision on the property.

  He hadn’t been able to tell them outright that his wife had gone. And some little part of him hoped that she would return. He wrestled with the idea of finding her and telling her about the land and about all their dreams that were about to come true, but he didn’t want her that way. He wanted her to come because she wanted to come. Not because of what he could give her, but because of him.

  He shook his head at himself. He’d been hanging out with the English too long. Jah, that was for sure.

  He thumbed the screen to answer the call. “Hello?”

  “Jacob? It’s Margie Anderson. Have you thought any more about the property? My seller’s getting a little antsy. He thought you really wanted it.”

  He had really wanted it. He had wanted it for himself. He had wanted it for Tess. And he wanted it for the family that he thought they would have, but somehow everything had gone awry. “I just wanted to think about it a little more.” He wanted that property so badly that he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that it would never be his. And that made him a big, fat chicken.

  “Jacob!”

  He turned at the sound of that voice to see Tess running down the driveway. The wind caught the tail of her apron and sent it flapping behind her. The strings of her prayer kapp floated behind as well. From here her expression looked happy enough, but she ran with such speed that he knew something had to be wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. As he watched her, he started to tell the Realtor that he needed to go, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “Are you there, Jacob?” Margie again.

  “I may have to call you back, Margie.”

  Tess continued to approach. The closer she got, the more he could see, and the more he could see, the more she looked . . . happy.

  “Don’t hang up, Jacob. This is important. I have another buyer that’s interested in the land.”

  “Oh, Jacob.” Now that she was within ten feet of him, her steps slowed. But he saw a sparkle in her eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He hadn’t seen it since he moved her from her home.

  Suddenly all the problems, all her issues, all the unhappiness that they had suffered slammed into him. He should’ve never moved her from Clarita. He should’ve never moved her from her home. But he had been selfish, wanting to stay near his family, and he hadn’t given a thought to hers. Maybe it was time to move back.

  “Give me just a minute,” Jacob said into the receiver.

  “Jacob, are you—”

  “I’ll call you right back,” he said, his gaze locked with Tess’s. “Give me fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay,” the Realtor said. Then Jacob hung up. He slipped the phone back into his pocket.

  “Hi,” he said. Not exactly the most intelligent thing he had ever uttered to Tess, but it was all he could muster. She was supposed to be gone and yet there she stood. He didn’t want to blow it.

  “Hi.”

  They stood for a moment just looking at each other, then they both started to speak at the same time.

  “I’ve got a confession—”

  “What are you doing here—”

  Tess shook her head. “You first.”

  “What are you doing here?” Then he realized how his words sounded. “I mean, I’m glad you’re here. More than happy that you’re here.”

  Tess sucked in a deep breath. “It seems I’ve made a mistake. A big mistake.”

  “What kind of mistake is that?”

  “Well, it seems as if I may have given up on my marriage before I even gave it a chance.”

  His heart skipped a beat. “Jah?”

  Tess nodded. “And even worse, I started comparing it to other people’s marriages.”

  “And then what happened?” He swallowed hard. This conversation wasn’t going exactly the way he thought it would. But she was still smiling; she was still there; she was still his Tess.

  “I thought it was lacking.”

  It was official. His heart was broken in two. The words cleaved it in half. “You don’t think our marriage is good?” His words were barely a whisper.

  Tears rose in Tess’s beautiful brown eyes. “For a while there I didn’t. But today I realized something very important. I realized that I can’t compare our life to someone else’s. I can’t wish for what someone else has.” She wiped her tears away with the back of one hand. “It took me days to realize it, weeks even. But I was so mad about your phone and your job. Then I looked at Clara Rose and Obie and all the other girls
I know and saw all the wonderful things that they had. I just wanted something as wonderful.”

  “And you still feel that way?”

  “I already have wonderful. You have provided for me, loved me, given me a beautiful house.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve let the house go.”

  Her eyes widened. “Why?”

  “It’s too big for just me.”

  The crestfallen look on her face was enough to make his heart lift. “Where are we going to live?”

  “I thought you were going back to Clarita.” He had to hear her say it.

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t want to move back to Clarita. I belong right here, in Wells Landing. With you.”

  He looked from the house to the goats to his wife. “I’m supposed to move in with my parents next week. I thought you were gone.”

  Tess shook her head. “I’m staying, and I don’t care where we live, as long as we’re together.”

  “You really mean that?”

  Tess nodded. “I was a fool. There’s no other way to say it. I was childish and immature, and I don’t know . . . I guess I’ll just blame it on the heat. It makes people do all sorts of crazy things, you know.”

  “I know.” He took a step toward her and it was all she needed. She closed the distance between them and flung her arms around his neck. “I mean it, Jacob,” she said as she held him close.

  He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her nearer still.

  “I don’t care where we live, I just want to be with you, but you have to promise me one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Promise me that you’ll go with me to marriage enrichment counseling. If not for you, then for me.”

  Jacob pulled away to look into her eyes. “Anything for you.”

  He lowered his head and placed a small kiss on her waiting lips. Then he drew back. “There is one thing.” He released her long enough to fish his cell phone from his pocket.

  A cloud crossed her face. He knew she hated the phone. But this time she might make an exception.

  He hit redial and put the phone on speaker. It rang three times before it was picked up.

  “Margie here.”

  “Margie? It’s Jacob Smiley. About that land . . .”

  “Yes?”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “Wonderful,” she said. She started chattering away about papers and inspections, but Jacob only had room in his heart and thoughts for the woman in front of him.

  “Land?” Tess asked. Her voice was soft and tentative, as though if she said the word too loud, it might not come true after all.

  Jacob nodded. “I’ve already given my notice at the roofing company. I was going to farm with Dat, but now I’ll farm on my own. With you.”

  “Oh, Jacob. Really?”

  “Jah.” He smiled. “For you and me and a few kids and as many goats as you want.”

  Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

  “Jacob, are you there?” Margie again.

  “So you forgive me?” Tess asked.

  “As long as you forgive me too.”

  Tess threw her arms around Jacob once again. He returned her embrace, dropping the cell phone into the grass.

  Margie continued to talk about whatever Margie needed, but Jacob only had time for Tess, and that was just the way he wanted it to be.

  Life isn’t always as simple as it seems for the Amish community of Wells Landing, Oklahoma. Neither is love . . .

  Everyone in town knows that Sarah Yoder is enamored

  with Jonah Miller, even though he’s been with his

  girlfriend, Lorie, for years. But all that changes when

  Lorie runs off with another man. Inconsolable, his faith in

  love shattered, Jonah resists everyone’s attempts to ease

  his pain—until the unexpected happens one night.

  Jonah is filled with confusion.

  Sarah is not the woman he yearns for,

  yet he asks for her hand in marriage, if only out of honor.

  Still, he worries, can they live in harmony

  if their vows are built on a lie?

  As Sarah seeks spiritual advice, Jonah tries to look toward

  the future—and finally begins to see her

  for who she really is: a beautiful, strong-willed woman

  whose heart is pure and belief is true. But will it be too

  late for him to prove that he wants to be her husband?

  Please turn the page for an exciting sneak peek of

  Amy Lillard’s next Wells Landing novel,

  MARRYING JONAH,

  coming soon wherever print and eBooks are sold!

  Sarah turned in a semicircle, surveying the crowd around her. So far the back-to-school day was playing out better than she could have dreamed. Families sat on blankets and quilts underneath the warm Oklahoma sun, eating sandwiches, chips, and baked beans.

  There were nine families in her school. Nine families and twenty-two scholars. Plenty to keep her busy all year long.

  “Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!”

  She turned as Prudy Miller came running across the playground toward her.

  “Will you come have dessert with us? Mamm brought plenty enough. Shoo-fly pie,” the young girl singsonged.

  Sarah searched her brain for the nicest possible way to refuse. It wasn’t that Gertie Miller’s pie wasn’t worthy. Her recipe might even have been the best in the district. But Prudy Miller was Jonah Miller’s sister, and Sarah had vowed to stay as far away from Jonah as possible.

  There had been a time when Sarah would have done just about anything to get such an invitation. Eating dessert with Jonah, sitting underneath the blue sky, their knees almost touching—it was the stuff dreams were made of. But she had held that dream too long. Jonah didn’t want her. And even though Lorie Kauffman had married her Englisher boyfriend almost two months ago, nothing had changed. Jonah still loved Lorie and had no interest in anyone else.

  That was when Sarah had decided to give up. What use was there in loving a man who didn’t love her back?

  “Sarah!” Prudy tugged her hand, peering up at her with tawny eyes so much like her brother’s. But whereas Jonah’s hair was the golden color of newly harvested wheat, Prudy’s was as dark as the finest chocolate.

  “How about I go over and say hello again?”

  “And eat pie?”

  Sarah placed a hand over her stomach. “Not this time. I couldn’t hold another bite.” Lord forgive me the lie. But self-preservation had to take precedence. She couldn’t go sit so close to Jonah. Not yet. Not when her resolve to move on was still so new.

  Prudy looked mildly disappointed, but tugged her to the blanket where her family was seated. “Look! I have Teacher.”

  Eli Miller frowned a bit as Prudy dragged her into view. Sarah wasn’t sure what Jonah’s father thought about her. Since Prudy was just starting school this year, Eli had been off the school board for several years. But she was certain the other members had filled him in on all the troubles she’d had.

  This year was going to be different. She was different. She had made up her mind. She might not ever get married and have a family, but she was going to be the best teacher the district had ever seen.

  “Hi, Sarah.” Buddy Miller was on his feet in a second.

  “Sit down, Buddy,” Jonah coached.

  He obeyed in an instant.

  Buddy was a little different than most folks. Down syndrome, she thought they called it, though he was the only person she knew who had it. Not that she truly knew what it was, just that Buddy was a little slower than most folks. His face was a little broader and his speech not as clear. But the Lord had given him a good heart and a loving family. He couldn’t ask for more than that.

  “Hi, Buddy. Jonah.” Sarah was proud of herself. Her voice didn’t sound the least bit breathless as she uttered his name. She turned to Jonah’s mother. “How are you today, Gertie, Eli?”

>   “Gut, danki,” they said together, each nodding.

  “Do you want some pie?” Buddy asked.

  “She’s too full,” Prudy said.

  “Prudy.” The warning came from her mother.

  Sarah was careful not to let her gaze stray to Jonah. “Thank you, Buddy, but Prudy’s right. I have already eaten way too much.”

  The young girl gave a self-satisfied smile, then plopped down between her oldest brothers. There were two more Miller boys: Aaron, who was about to marry Mary Ebersol, and Jonathan, who was still running around. The Millers also had a daughter, Hannah, who was Sarah’s age. The two were close friends, though Sarah hadn’t expected Hannah to come today. She was too busy building her home.

  A home like Sarah would never have.

  “Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of the picnic.”

  She turned to walk away and her gaze wandered toward Jonah. She couldn’t help it. Despite her vow to forget him, she was just so aware of his every move, his every breath.

  He looked . . . heartbroken, sad, and her heart went out to him. He had taken his breakup with Lorie badly.

  He smiled at Prudy. It was the only time his face relaxed and his eyes lit up. It shouldn’t be that way. She couldn’t believe it was God’s will for him to be so unhappy, and she said a small prayer that one day he would heal and find that happiness he deserved.

  * * *

  “She’s pretty.”

  Jonah tore his gaze from Sarah’s departing back and settled it on his brother. Until Buddy had spoken, Jonah hadn’t realized he’d been staring, watching Sarah walk away. “You think so?” He’d never given the matter much thought. He supposed that Sarah Yoder was attractive enough, with her dark brown hair and crystal-blue eyes.

  “Jah.” Buddy smiled in a dreamy sort of way.

  Jonah lightly pinched him on the arm. “I think somebody has a crush on somebody.”

  Deep rose flushed Buddy’s cheeks. “No.” But Jonah could tell. Not that anything could ever come of it. He had heard his parents talk too many times when they thought no one was listening. Mamm and Dat weren’t even sure if Buddy would ever leave the farm, much less find a love of his own. It was sad really, given the size of his heart and his kind nature. If they stayed with tradition, Jonathan would inherit the farm and most likely the care of Buddy to go along with it.