Loving Jenna Read online

  Jenna picked up the patch she had been working on this morning and studied the stitches. “Jah, I think so.”

  One single crochet and three double crochets all in the same loop, then moved to the next stitch.

  She had only gotten three sets complete when the sound of a tractor could be heard. She looked up to see Mamm chugging back home. Thank you!

  “Mamm’s here.” She put her crochet to one side and stood.

  Buddy relaxed in relief. Then, most likely realizing that he was soon to be faced with the task of talking to her mamm about taking her out on a date, even after she had told them they couldn’t see each other . . . he stiffened in his seat and drained the rest of the liquid from his glass.

  “Where are you going, girl?” Mammi asked. “Here on the porch is as fine a place as any to talk about a picnic.”

  She supposed Mammi was right. She sat back down and tried to be patient as Mamm parked the tractor and climbed down.

  “What’s going on here?” Mamm asked as she approached the porch.

  “This young man here has come to ask our Jenna on a date,” Mammi said.

  Buddy set his glass on the small table to his left and jumped to his feet. “A picnic,” he explained. “She didn’t get to go on one when my family had you over. Remember? It rained. And we had to eat inside.”

  Jenna studied her mamm’s expression. There were no clues there as to what she might be thinking. Jenna was afraid it was a big fat no.

  “A picnic?” Mamm said the word as if she had never heard it before.

  Please, Jenna silently begged. Please, please, please.

  This was bigger than a picnic, somehow she knew it. She wasn’t sure how big, but maybe that was just the way love was.

  “At my house. Down by the pond.”

  Mamm’s eyebrow shot upward. “Pond?” The word sounded like it was poison. “No.” She shook her head and turned to go into the house.

  “Mamm,” Jenna cried. She wanted this so badly.

  Her mother turned, but Jenna could tell from the slant of her mouth that there was no changing her mind. Defeat settled around her like a wool blanket in the summertime. “You will not go to a pond for a picnic alone with a young man. That will not happen.”

  “The kids all like to swim there in the summer,” Buddy explained. “It’s warm enough out. My brothers will be there and half their youth groups. We won’t be alone.”

  He thought it was because they might be all by themselves. But Jenna knew; it was the water.

  She stood. “I’m not afraid of the water.” She had drowned, but she couldn’t remember much about that time. Just the peaceful feeling that everything was going to be okay, then being jolted awake by someone sitting on her chest. They had pumped the water out of her lungs, and she had coughed up half the pond, but she had been forever changed.

  Mamm pinned her with a hard look. “You should be.” And on that final note, Mamm turned and went into the house.

  Tears filled Jenna’s eyes. “Mammi.” She turned to her grandmother, who stood and sadly shook her head. “Give her some time, Jenna Gail. She might come around.”

  Mammi made her way into the house. The tears ran down Jenna’s face. This was important, so very important. Why couldn’t Mamm see that?

  Buddy stood, but she couldn’t see him very well. Tears blurred her vision.

  “Don’t cry, Jenna.” He patted her on the back, but his touch felt awkward.

  “I can’t help it.” She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to feel this helpless.

  He sank down onto the swing next to her. “True love is persistent,” he said.

  “She’s never going to change her mind.”

  Buddy patted her shoulder and this time the touch felt natural, loving. “She will,” he promised. “I know she will.”

  * * *

  The three hours of church the next morning were some of the longest Jenna had ever spent. All she wanted to do was spend a little more time with Buddy. They were in the same room, but across from each other, yards away. Unable to talk or touch. Surrounded by their entire district.

  He had said they would find a way to get her mother to change her mind, but as of now, Jenna couldn’t see that happening.

  Yesterday, after her mother had gone into the house, Jenna had gotten Buddy another glass of water and he left.

  She had tried to talk to her mother about him for the remainder of the afternoon, but Mamm was hearing nothing about it. Saturday was cleaning day and she set Jenna to work with a broom and instructions on clearing out all the cobwebs and dust bunnies under the beds.

  Now it was Sunday and a sea of familiar faces separated them. After the final prayer they would all file out into the yard and prepare to eat. Then, if she was lucky, she might get to see him for a couple of minutes before they left for the day. It was the only thing keeping her upright in her seat.

  Normally she loved church. She loved the word of God, loved even the sound of the elders’ voices as they preached God’s message. She loved the mindful lessons, sitting and allowing God to be the focus of her life for a few hours. Complete focus. But today she could only think about the sweet face of her Buddy.

  What would they do if Mamm wouldn’t change her mind?

  She closed her eyes. Lord, please, she prayed. Please, please, please, soften her heart and make her see how wonderful this is. Please.

  “Ow!” she cried. Jenna’s eyes flew open and she snatched her hand away from the sudden pain. She turned to her mamm, who gave her a pointed look.

  It was time to kneel and pray and Jenna had been sitting there like a lump instead of obeying the bishop’s instructions. And because she was sitting there like a lump and not obeying the bishop’s instructions, her mamm had pinched her. Just like when she was a little girl and had fallen asleep while everyone worshipped around her.

  “Sorry,” Jenna whispered. She turned and knelt down at the bench, thankful for the first time in her life that church was over. With any luck she would get to spend a little time with Buddy.

  But luck wasn’t on her side. They might be part of God’s plan for each other, but the Good Lord didn’t seem like He was going to make it easy for them.

  First Jenna had to help set up the food. Then Caroline asked if she would hold Baby Holly while she fed Gracie. Jenna was more than happy to help. Plus she loved babies. They always smelled so good. Clean and innocent. That was the only way she knew how to describe it. Like the world hadn’t touched them yet. The Bible said they were all born into sin. It was the one part she didn’t believe. The Bible had been translated many times over the years and she figured somewhere somebody got that part wrong. Though she would never tell her mamm that. That would get her pinched for sure.

  She touched her nose to the soft down of Baby Holly’s hair and inhaled.

  “Look at you with that baby. You’re a natural little mother.” Jenna looked up as Joy Riehl approached. Joy was James’s wife. He was the one that had been kicked by a milk cow. Everyone had told her about him when she moved to town. She liked James and Joy, she did, but she couldn’t stop herself from wondering why people acted like those with weakened brains needed to all know each other.

  Then again, if they didn’t, she might not have ever met Buddy.

  “I love babies,” Jenna said, inhaling that sweet baby scent once again.

  “Hopefully one day you will have one of your own.”

  Jenna watched as Joy walked away. She went across the yard and was greeted by her husband, James, and their toddler, Lavender. James had been kicked in the head by the milk cow before Lavender was born. He seemed to be doing a fine job of caring for a child. That child had been a baby when it came. Could she take care of a baby?

  She had babysat before. And Caroline trusted her to help.

  The thought sent a warmth rising through her. A baby. She had never even dreamed. But a baby . . .

  She kissed the top of Holly’s head, then searched the yard for Buddy.
He was standing next to his brother. And he was holding Elisa Mae! He looked natural there, carting his niece. Jonah didn’t seem to be fretting that Buddy might drop the child.

  No. She shook her head. She was dreaming ahead of herself. But what girl didn’t? She had wondered her entire life up until the accident who she might marry and how many children they would have. Once she had the accident she had wondered if she would ever get married and have those children. She had started to doubt that dream would ever come true. But who would want a wife with a weakened brain?

  A husband with the same?

  She almost giggled at the thought, but she stopped herself. Somehow that didn’t seem right. Maybe because it was the truth. She and Buddy might both have their challenges—one of the words Mamm liked to use—but together they would be just fine.

  But again she was daydreaming ahead of herself. She knew how those things worked. People talked about things in front of her as if she couldn’t hear. And she had been to the library. There were books there on everything. And she meant everything. But there was no possible way that she and Buddy could get married and have a baby if her mamm wouldn’t even let them date.

  She looked down at Baby Holly, who cooed and reached for the strings of her prayer kapp. “It’s going to take some time,” she told the baby.

  Holly blew a spit bubble and laughed as it popped against his nose. Jenna considered all that to be a good sign. And she wasn’t going to allow herself to think anything else.

  Chapter Eleven

  “There’s that boy again.” Mamm’s mouth pressed into the disapproving shape it took on whenever Buddy was around.

  Jenna’s heart grew light as she raced to the front window to look out. Sure enough, Buddy Miller had just pulled up in his Sunday carriage.

  “Why doesn’t he drive the tractor like everyone else?” Mammi asked.

  Jenna wasn’t sure if her grandmother really wanted an answer, so she didn’t respond. She knew that Buddy liked riding in the carriage but also that his parents felt he was safer in a buggy than he was in a tractor as long as he kept to the back roads. And it was easier to bring PJ with him.

  “What does he want this time?” Mamm asked. She had been watering the plants on the porch and helping Jenna with the Monday laundry. The last load was on the line and they had a little free time on their hands. Jenna had thought she would spend it crocheting, but now that Buddy and PJ were here . . .

  “He wants to take me on a picnic,” she said in awe. True love was persistent. That’s what he had said. Did that mean he was going to come ask her on a picnic every day until her mamm said yes?

  Would she ever say yes?

  “Didn’t I tell him no yesterday?”

  “That was the day before. Yesterday was Sunday.”

  Mamm frowned at the door as if she was waiting for him to come through it. A lot of Amish just let themselves into their friends’ houses, but Jenna knew that Buddy wouldn’t come in unless he was invited.

  “Come let him talk to you,” Jenna said. She turned pleading eyes to her mother, but that scowl remained in place.

  “Jenna, we’ve been over this and over this. You are too young to date.”

  “I’ll be twenty-one in a couple of months.”

  “You’re too young up here.” She tapped her head.

  “I am not.” Jenna crossed her arms.

  “You are.”

  “How do you know if you’ve never let me go on a date?”

  Mamm continued to frown but didn’t answer. To Jenna that just proved that she was right. But she didn’t think her mother would ever admit that. True love is persistent, Buddy had said. And she would have to be persistent as well.

  She went to the door and opened it.

  “Where are you going?” Mamm asked.

  “Out to talk to Buddy.” And she swung out the door and closed it behind her before Mamm could tell her no.

  He was already standing at the bottom of the porch steps. PJ was on a bright green leash that he had wrapped around Buddy’s legs as he kept a lookout for birds.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi.” He took his hat off and rolled the brim in his hands. The loop of the leash was around one wrist. The weight of the hat had left an indention in the sides of his dark blond hair.

  “You came.”

  He nodded. “I would like to take you on a picnic,” he said. “I owe you one.”

  “I would like that,” Jenna said. “But Mamm said no.”

  “Is she worried about the water? We don’t have to go to the pond. We can go wherever you want. The park in town even.”

  Jenna shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not afraid of the water.” But that wasn’t entirely the truth. She was very leery of water. Her mother hadn’t let her swim since the accident. Jenna thought her mother was more afraid of the water than she was. Jenna wouldn’t mind going to the pond. She wouldn’t even mind if there were others there in the water, but the thought of getting into the water herself was a little unnerving.

  “She doesn’t want me to be with you.” His expression fell as he said the words.

  It was true, but at the same time not. “I don’t think she wants me to be with anybody.”

  And that was the truth of the matter.

  He seemed to mull that over for a moment. “Can I come sit on the porch with you?”

  “I suppose,” Mamm said. She had moved into the doorway behind Jenna without them having noticed.

  “Thank you, Charlotte.” Buddy raised his hat to his heart then placed it back on his head.

  Jenna stepped to one side as Buddy clicked his tongue at PJ. The puppy gave Buddy his attention and then made his way over to the porch swing.

  Jenna followed him and started to take the seat next to Buddy like they had the night she had made him cupcakes. PJ braced his too-big paws against her knees and tried to lick Jenna’s face.

  Mamm gave a choking cough.

  Jenna spun around. PJ yelped in fright, she moved so fast. “Are you all right, Mamm?”

  “Jah,” she said. “You can sit in the rocker.”

  Jenna nodded. That wasn’t where she wanted to sit, but Buddy had made great leaps today with her mamm, and she didn’t want to ruin any of that by testing her authority. “Jah. I’ll sit in the rocker.” She moved toward the seat as Mamm started back into the house.

  “That’s good,” Mamm said. “Because I’ll be right inside the whole time.”

  * * *

  “I was wondering if I could please take Jenna on a picnic.” Buddy stood just below the first step that led to the Burkharts’ porch. Once again he had PJ on a leash at his feet. Her mamm stood just inside the door, a dishtowel slung over one shoulder as she carefully eyed him. Buddy wouldn’t say her expression was hostile, but it wasn’t friendly for certain.

  “Buddy Miller.” Her lips pressed together, and Buddy had seen that look enough to know that she was unhappy with his request. “How many times are you going to come ask if you can take my daughter on a picnic before you understand that I am not going to allow it?”

  It took him a moment to put those words into an order he could understand. “You already have your mind made up,” he said. “Why?”

  “Jenna’s not old enough to date.”

  “She’s older than me.” Only by a year or so, but it was the truth.

  “My point exactly.”

  Buddy frowned. He felt almost like she was trying to confuse him. “I like her,” he said. “And she likes me.”

  PJ must have sensed his sadness. The puppy braced against the side of Buddy’s leg and pushed his nose into his hand, demanding attention.

  Charlotte shook her head. “The two of you will not be safe together. I won’t allow it.”

  She could say those words and they would sting each time, but he couldn’t give up. Not even if it took him eight times of asking. He was in this to win this. Wasn’t that the saying? He couldn’t remember exactly, but it was something like that. He
had seen it on a T-shirt in a shop in town. At first he hadn’t known what it meant, but it was sort of catchy, so it stuck in his head. Now he thought it meant he shouldn’t give up. And he wasn’t going to.

  “Can she come out on the porch and sit?”

  Charlotte shook her head. “I don’t think so. You go on home now and don’t worry about Jenna.”

  “I’m not worried about her. I love her.”

  She shook her head. “Neither one of you know what love truly is.”

  That was not the truth. Buddy loved his mamm, his dat, and all his family. He loved PJ and the blond-colored mare they used to pull the Sunday carriage. And he loved Jenna Burkhart.

  “If you’ll just let her come out,” he started. His voice had taken on a sad quality. Like he was begging. He supposed he was. He was begging Charlotte for any time at all with Jenna. What gave her the right to say how all Jenna’s time was spent?

  “No. And I suggest that you don’t come back this week. Or the next.”

  “But—”

  Charlotte shook her head. “Good-bye, Buddy Miller.”

  * * *

  Jenna heard what her mother said from her perch near the window upstairs. It was Mammi’s room that overlooked the front yard, but when Buddy had pulled up and Mamm had sent her to her room, she knew the only way she was going to know exactly what happened was to listen, so that’s exactly what she did.

  And she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out. Mamm had told Buddy that he couldn’t come back. Would he listen to her? What would they do if she wouldn’t let them be together?

  There had to be a way.

  Jenna wiped her eyes and made her way to her own room. She had to come up with a plan. Her mother was afraid. She was afraid of a lot of things, but her fear was hurting them all.

  She waited until she knew Buddy was good and gone, then made her way down the stairs.

  “I’m going for a walk,” she said brightly, as if her mother hadn’t crushed her with her harsh words.

  “A walk?” Mammi came out of the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand. “It’s fixing to rain.”

  Jenna tried to smile. “I won’t be gone long.”

  “You need to hurry back,” Mammi said.