More Than a Marriage Page 4

  Obie never came through the door, and Tess supposed that there were two ways into the kitchen. A tractor started outside and she knew that was Obie heading over to her house.

  “I can’t do it anymore,” Tess said. It was the truth, but only part of it. Tess couldn’t tell her friend that she wanted what she had. What they all had. Emily, Mariana, Caroline, Sadie. They all had men who loved them. Truly loved them. “Jacob doesn’t love me any longer.”

  Clara Rose shook her head. “He said this to you?”

  “Well, no. But he doesn’t have to. I can tell. Things have gotten worse since we moved here. Every day. He gets up and goes to work. He comes home late and plays on his phone. He doesn’t want to do anything with me, saying he’s too tired.”

  “He works hard, Tess.”

  “Every day?” Her tears started again welling up in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. “I know it’s wrong, and I’ve prayed about it.”

  “What did God tell you to do?”

  “He never answered me.” Tess sniffed.

  “Maybe He did.”

  “How?”

  “By not answering.”

  Tess shook her head. That philosophy was more than she could comprehend right now. Not with her heart breaking.

  She had left her husband. She had run on some internal unknown energy when she left and all the way here. But now that she was facing the truth of the matter, she was scared.

  Her hands trembled and her insides quaked. “Clara Rose . . . what am I going to do?”

  Her friend took her hand, squeezing her fingers with an understanding that only friends have. “You could go back.”

  Tess shook her head. Her prayer kapp strings tickled her neck and sent shivers down her spine. The sensation was ominous. “I can’t go back.”

  “Just because you argued—”

  “It was more than an argument. He wants to get rid of my goats and we’re never going to get out of that house. We’re never going to have a baby.”

  Clara Rose sat back a bit. “Well, that certainly can’t happen if you’re here and he’s there.”

  “Will you be serious?”

  “I am.”

  “My goats. He said that if he couldn’t sell them, he was going to give them away.”

  “I can’t say that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard him say, but Jacob is a reasonable man.”

  “He’s not,” Tess protested. “Not since . . . well, not in a long time.” Since they moved here. Since he took the job with the English company. Since he got the cell phone.

  But the worst part of all was she looked at her friends’ marriages and she wanted a piece of that for herself. She hadn’t been happy in so long she had almost forgotten what it felt like. And today was the last straw. Her goats were the only thing she had left, and if he took them away . . .

  “If you move, he’ll for sure sell your goats.”

  Tess shrugged as if it were no matter. But the words made her stomach hurt. “I’ll just get new ones.”

  Clara Rose patted her hand encouragingly. “Don’t let your pride get in the way of your marriage.”

  Pride wasn’t her sin. It was jealousy, but she couldn’t tell Clara Rose that. She had prayed and prayed for relief from the feelings but they always remained, hovering just below the surface, ready to rise up and take control of her every thought and emotion. But even as much as she knew the jealousy went against everything she had been taught her entire life, it was there all the same.

  She wondered what Jacob was doing. What he was going to eat for supper and if he was really going to sell her goats. She hoped not. Or maybe by leaving she would shake him up and make him see that he needed to do more for her. Quit playing Internet games and working so hard. Was it too much to ask for him to play cards with her every once in a while? Or even just sit and talk. Share his day. She didn’t think so.

  But she couldn’t ask him to play with her now. She had made her move and there was no backing out. She had taken that first step; she wasn’t going back again. Not without Jacob promising that there would be some changes. And since she was headed home tomorrow, the chances of that were slim to none.

  She had to keep her focus, remember what she wanted from her life. And it surely wasn’t a husband who ignored her and sold her goats. She wanted love and respect.

  “So can I stay?”

  Clara Rose hesitated just slightly then gave a small nod. “Obie and I talked and we think you should stay here tonight.” Her words hung expectantly in the air, as if more should follow but she wasn’t ready to say them yet.

  “Oh, danki.” Tess hugged her friend close, so relieved. She would have a place to stay tonight. Then tomorrow she would find someone to take her over to Clarita. She had come this far. There was no turning back now.

  * * *

  Obie returned an hour or so later. He came into the house only long enough to tell Clara Rose and Tess that he had returned, then he went back to the barn and his newborn puppies.

  Clara Rose kept the conversation light as she and Tess worked side by side cooking supper. Tess was thankful, though she really wanted to know what Clara Rose thought about Obie’s visit with Jacob.

  Instead she let the conversation flow naturally from one mundane subject to the other. What the pattern might be for the next quilt the quilting circle would make to donate to the Clarita School Auction.

  She would be home in time for the auction this year. She hadn’t been able to attend the last two years. Jacob’s schedule had been increasingly hectic this time of year and he hadn’t been able to get the time off work. That only added fuel to her dissatisfaction. Why couldn’t he take time off? He wasn’t the only employee there. And he deserved a vacation from time to time. The only answer she had was that he hadn’t really wanted to go back. He had family members still living in the area, but not immediate ones. Just a few cousins and an aunt and uncle or two. His parents had moved to Wells Landing around the same time they had. It wasn’t like he had to travel miles and miles to see his mamm and dat.

  The more she thought about it, the madder she got. She was practically fuming inside by the time Clara Rose turned off the burner under the potatoes.

  “Can you set the table while I wait on the bread?”

  Tess nodded as Obie came in through the back door. The two of them, Obie and Clara Rose, shared a look so loving that flames of jealousy seared through Tess. Obie gazed at Clara Rose as if she was the moon and the sun all rolled into one. Tess couldn’t even get Jacob to take her home to see her mother and father.

  She snatched up the stack of plates and stormed from the room, giving the happy couple the privacy they deserved.

  The first plate hit the tabletop with a resounding thud. Tess took a deep breath. She might be upset with Jacob, but she didn’t have the right to take her anger out on someone else’s dinnerware. Emotions in check, she placed the plates on the mats and started for the kitchen and the silverware they would need.

  “How’d it go?” Clara Rose’s voice stopped Tess in her tracks. She would surely have to pray extra hard for forgiveness tonight. After all, the day wasn’t over and she had already listened in on two conversations.

  Then again, if the conversations were about her, why shouldn’t she know what was being said?

  “Fine, I guess.” It sounded like Obie was eating something as he spoke, most probably a slice of the cucumber Clara Rose had just cut. She had told Tess earlier that cucumbers were Obie’s favorite.

  And what is Jacob’s?

  She pushed that thought aside as Obie continued. “I mean, he doesn’t know why she left or what’s wrong with her. He didn’t even know that she had left. He went back to work and when he came home she was gone.”

  “He went back to work after they had argued? Jacob said he was going to sell her goats.”

  “Jah. He mentioned that to me. I got the impression that the neighbors have been complaining about the smell and the fact that they tend to get out a lo
t.”

  A fact that could be remedied if Jacob would take the time to build her a decent pen. She might not have many goats, but they deserved a good place to live. How many times had she asked him to do that for her?

  Well, she hadn’t exactly asked him outright. But that was because he was never at home these days.

  “I’m sure it’ll blow over by tomorrow,” Clara Rose said.

  Obie made a grunting sound that might have been in agreement or it might not have been. To Tess it wasn’t a positive sound, as if Obie didn’t think it was going to blow over any more than she did.

  Tess took that opportunity to push her way back into the kitchen. They both started as if caught in the act of doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. If Tess hadn’t already known that they were talking about her, their guilty expressions would have tipped her off right away.

  “Silverware?” she asked. “Napkins?”

  Clara Rose moved to grab them off the island countertop and thrust them at Tess. “Here you go.”

  Feeling somewhat dismissed, Tess hustled back into the dining room and started placing one at each seat. She would try not to listen in. She shouldn’t have done so already. But that damage was done. From here on out she would do her best not to eavesdrop. Even if those who were talking, were talking about her.

  Chapter Five

  “Did you want to lay out any clothes for tomorrow?” Clara Rose asked.

  They were standing in the Brenneman spare bedroom. Already, it was starting to show signs of change. Signs that a baby was coming. Furniture had been pushed to the side, the closet had been emptied and boxes stacked on chairs. Clara Rose had told her that she was moving the baby into the sewing room downstairs, which was the room next to the master bedroom, and then this room would become the sewing room. To Tess it seemed like an awful lot of shifting, but she was certain it would all be worth it when Clara Rose held her baby in her arms.

  “I guess so. I mean, I’m just going back to Clarita.”

  “Well, you should always look your best, jah?” Her voice was overbright and Tess noticed her gaze darted around the room, never settling and never meeting her eyes. It seemed as if Clara Rose was hiding something. Or perhaps something was up and she wasn’t ready to tell Tess about it. Or maybe she was just uncomfortable knowing that Tess was leaving Jacob and she wasn’t coming back.

  Tess grabbed a dress from her bag and hung it in the near-empty closet. It looked forlorn just hanging there with nothing else around. And it was her favorite dress. A beautiful green like fresh-cut limes. Her mother said the color made her brown eyes take on a golden glow. Tess worried it just made her freckles stand out a little bit more. Still, she loved the dress, which was a little on the fancy side, as she had stitched a row of hearts around the sleeves. She had done the work by hand and had wondered at the time how Verna Yutzy made such tiny stitches when she quilted. She assumed it had a lot to do with age and practice. One day Tess hoped to make those pretty stitches like the eldest member of the quilting circle.

  “What about your apron?” Clara Rose asked.

  Tess gave a quick shrug. “I guess I’ll just wear this one.” Clara Rose’s eyes widened. “You can’t wear that. It’s got stuff all over it.”

  Tess looked down at herself. Somehow in helping Clara Rose with supper, she had managed to pick up a few extra stains. She gave a small shrug. “I’ll spot-wash it tonight.”

  “Do you have another?”

  “I’m sure it’s fine.”

  “We should always look our best.”

  “I’m just going home.”

  “Jah.”

  But something in her tone made Tess wonder if Clara Rose knew something she didn’t.

  * * *

  Bright morning sun worked its way under the shades covering the windows to shine directly in Tess’s eyes. Perhaps it was God’s way of telling her that it was time to get out of bed. But she hadn’t slept much the night before. She’d tossed and turned to the early hours of the morning, finally drifting off to sleep just before dawn.

  She should be content with her decision to go back to Clarita and her family, but all she could think about was Jacob.

  They had loved each other, of that much she was certain. So what had happened?

  She had done everything in her power to bring that Jacob back. She had tried to get him to go on dates like they had when they were courting. She had connected with their old youth group in Clarita and set up a reunion, but he had refused to attend. She had even asked him to go to marriage enrichment classes, but he had claimed to be too busy at work. She hadn’t brought it up again.

  The old Jacob was lost to her.

  A light rap sounded on her door. “Tess?”

  “Jah?” She pushed herself up in bed. There would be no more sleep for her. Not that she would have been able to stay in bed much longer. The day was wasting. She had to find a driver and get back home.

  Clara Rose nudged the door open and eased inside. “Breakfast is ready.”

  Tess’s stomach growled in response. She hadn’t eaten much the night before and it was catching up with her. “Danki. I’ll be right down.”

  Clara Rose hovered by the door, her expression expectant. “Do you want some help with your hair?”

  Tess shook her head. “I can manage.” Just as she had done for years.

  “Jah. Okay then. See you downstairs.” Then Clara Rose was gone.

  Tess pushed out of bed and padded across the hall to the bathroom. Clara Rose and Obie’s bedroom was downstairs, so she had no fear of running into him while she was still wearing her nightclothes.

  Once she had taken care of her morning necessities, she made her way back into the spare room to get dressed.

  Half an hour later she made her way into the Brennemans’ kitchen.

  Clara Rose seemed almost relieved to see her. “Have a seat and help yourself,” she said. “Everyone else has already eaten.”

  “Everyone else?”

  Clara Rose turned bright pink. “I mean Obie. Do you want an egg?”

  Tess shook her head and slid into one of the chairs there at the kitchen table. Her appetite was suddenly gone, but she knew she should eat. She had a big day ahead of her and she didn’t need a headache from lack of food.

  She buttered a biscuit and added a piece of sausage to make a small breakfast sandwich. With any luck she would be able to eat it all. That would at least get her home.

  “I’ve got coffee brewed if you want some.” Clara Rose lifted the pot.

  Tess shook her head. “But danki.”

  “Well, it’s here if you change your mind.” She set the pot back on the burner, then wiped her hand on a dish towel. “I guess I’ll go hang the laundry out.”

  She bustled out of the room, leaving Tess to wonder what her hurry was. It was barely eight o’clock, and she had already made breakfast and run a load of clothes through the washer.

  “Hello, Tess.”

  She whirled around in her seat. Jacob stood in the doorway.

  She wasn’t sure but she thought he might be more handsome today than he was yesterday. She hardened her heart against him. She couldn’t let him get the better of her today. She had made up her mind. And she was sticking to her plan.

  “Go home, Jacob.”

  “I will. Once you say you’re going home with me.”

  She searched his tone for any signs of sincerity, but could find none. He merely wanted her to come back home. “I’m going back to Clarita,” she said and turned back to face the front. She managed to take another bite of her biscuit sandwich, though it had lost all its flavor.

  He nodded. “That’s what Obie said. But it’s time to come back home.”

  “No.” Not until he realized that their marriage was in trouble, that they needed to work on it. That he needed to get rid of his phone and pay more attention to what really mattered.

  He shifted in place, then exhaled. She could almost feel his frustration.

/>   Well, fine. She was frustrated too.

  “Tess, now is not the time to be difficult.”

  “Difficult? You think I’m being difficult?” How blind could one man be? “You said you were selling my goats.”

  “Jah.” He nodded as if everything was normal. “They are more trouble than they’re worth.”

  “But they are mine.”

  “You don’t need them.”

  She wanted to yell her frustration to the ceiling, but she had been raised better than that. “I use their milk for cheese and soap. For lotion and all sorts of things.”

  “I’m well aware of all your hobbies.”

  “Hobbies?” She could hardly believe her ears. Did he not know how hard she worked with the goats and making the products? And she still managed to quilt for the needy, have supper on the table each night, and her house ran like a clock. There were no hobbies to be found. “I’m saving that money to help with the house fund.”

  He crossed his arms. “I believe you’ve mentioned that before.”

  “I’m surprised you remember.” She felt out of control, as if someone else had taken charge of her mind, thoughts, and body, leaving her a spectator to her own actions. She crossed her arms and pressed her lips together. She was angry, unhappy, unsatisfied with the way things had turned out, and she wasn’t backing down. She had come this far.

  “Get your things and tell Clara Rose good-bye.”

  “No.” Her chin rose to a stubborn angle. “If you are selling my goats, I am going back to Clarita.”

  Something unidentifiable flashed through his eyes like the flames of an out-of-control bonfire. But as quickly as it came, it disappeared again. A muscle in his jaw twitched, but otherwise he made no other move. Then finally, finally he gave a stern nod. “If that is how it’s going to be.”

  Somehow she managed to raise her chin another notch higher and still maintained eye contact. “It is.”

  “So be it.”

  His footsteps boomed like the reverberating sound of a gong. One, two, three, and he was gone.

  Tess sank back into the chair behind her and kept her chin up and her tears at bay until she heard his tractor start. It seemed to take forever before she heard the sound. He was leaving. Her heart tripped over itself in her chest. Leaving.